Understanding Adjustment
Research by George Bonanno suggests that many people are more resilient than they realize. Although loss can be deeply painful, human beings often possess a remarkable capacity to adapt and gradually rebuild meaningful lives.
Although adjustment is a natural part of life, it can feel surprisingly unsettling while it is happening. A person may find themselves wondering why a particular experience continues occupying so much of their attention, or why their emotional reactions seem more intense than expected, especially when other people appear to be moving forward more easily. Beneath those questions often lies a very human process: the gradual work of adapting to a reality that feels different from the one that existed before.
Nancy Schlossberg spent many years listening to people describe periods of change, and over time she became fascinated by a question that seems simple at first glance:
Why does the same event affect different people in such different ways?
The question becomes even more interesting when we turn it toward ourselves. Most people have experienced moments when their own reactions surprised them. Someone may find unexpected strength during a difficult season they once believed would overwhelm them, while another person may find that a long-awaited opportunity brings an undercurrent of uncertainty they didn't anticipate. A change that appears manageable from the outside may stir emotions that feel far more complicated on the inside, while an event that seems enormous to others may feel manageable, depending on the individual's situation and perspective.
Part of what makes adjustment so personal is that no one arrives at a significant life change empty-handed. Long before the event occurs, a person has already experienced many things that shape their life. They carry memories, relationships, disappointments, responsibilities, hopes, fears, and strengths gathered across many years. When change arrives, all of those things arrive with it. Perhaps this is why two people can stand in the same moment and experience it so differently.
One person might receive an exciting opportunity and immediately begin imagining new possibilities, while another receives the very same opportunity and lies awake at night, wondering what will be expected of them and whether they are ready. Different reactions reflect an individual's experience and viewpoint.
Schlossberg's insight contains an invitation: rather than asking whether a reaction is correct, she encourages us to become curious about it. What meaning does this change carry? What hopes, fears, memories, responsibilities, or expectations might be shaping the experience? What is this moment touching in the larger story of a person's life?
When people seek counseling during periods of adjustment, they are often looking for more than answers. Many arrive carrying questions that have been following them for weeks or months:
Why has this affected me so deeply?
Why am I struggling with a change that seemed manageable at first?
Why do I feel uncertain when this is something I wanted?
Sometimes those questions begin to soften simply because another person is willing to sit with them. As a counselor and client explore the story together, connections often emerge between present experiences and earlier chapters of life. Emotions that once felt confusing begin making more sense. A person gradually develops a deeper understanding of both the change itself and the unique way it has been experienced.
Consider someone who has been moving through life with a comfortable sense of direction, whose plans are taking shape and whose ordinary days contain an inner confidence that life is unfolding much as expected. Then something happens that shakes that sense of stability and leaves the future feeling less like a clear path and more like one that is disappearing into fog.
Whether the event arrives suddenly or develops over time, discouragement may settle into places once occupied by hope, while questions begin appearing where certainty once lived. During counseling, people often discover that adjustment is not simply about solving a problem; there can be value in telling the story of what happened, acknowledging the emotions, and making room for reactions that may feel confusing or difficult to understand. Over time, positive shifts can occur, and although the loss, disappointment, or disruption remains part of the story, it no longer feels all-encompassing.
A different form of adjustment sometimes appears when a life change seems entirely welcome. A person may work toward a goal for years, only to find themselves unexpectedly emotional when it finally arrives, or discover that excitement is accompanied by uncertainty when a long-awaited opportunity becomes real.
People are often surprised by these mixed feelings. Happiness may find itself sharing space with nervousness, while gratitude is accompanied by questions about the future. This can create an emotional experience that feels confusing until it becomes clear that welcoming a new chapter and adjusting to it often happen at the same time.
Many people imagine resilience as extraordinary strength, yet resilience often reveals itself through ordinary acts of adaptation: a difficult conversation, the decision to seek support, the willingness to remain engaged with life despite uncertainty, or the recognition that understanding can grow before every answer has appeared.
Life continues to change because change is woven into the experience of being alive, while adjustment is the process by which people gradually learn to live with those changes, carrying forward what remains important while making room for what is new.
My hope is that understanding adjustment creates a greater capacity to work with change. If a change in your life has affected you more deeply than expected, or if your reactions seem more complicated than the situation warrants, there may be comfort in realizing that the same event can affect different people in very different ways, and that people can develop resilience through support and by learning strategies for coping, adapting, and tapping into their own strengths.
Further Reading and Research
The ideas presented on this page draw from the work of psychologists, counselors, and researchers who have studied human adaptation, resilience, life transitions, and personal growth.
Nancy K. Schlossberg
Schlossberg is one of the most influential researchers in the field of life transitions and adjustment. Her work explores how people navigate change and why the same event may affect different individuals in very different ways. She developed the well-known "4 S" framework (Situation, Self, Support, and Strategies) to help understand adjustment and adaptation.
William Bridges
Although not a psychologist, Bridges made important contributions to understanding the distinction between external change and internal transition. His work emphasizes that while change may happen quickly, the process of adapting to it often unfolds gradually.
George A. Bonanno
Bonanno's research on resilience challenged the assumption that people respond to adversity in only one way. His work demonstrated that many individuals show remarkable resilience following significant life challenges and losses.
Ann S. Masten
Masten's research introduced the influential concept of resilience as "ordinary magic," emphasizing that it often emerges from everyday human strengths, relationships, and adaptive capacities rather than from extraordinary traits.
Richard J. Tedeschi and Lawrence G. Calhoun
Tedeschi and Calhoun developed the concept of posttraumatic growth, exploring the ways some individuals discover new perspectives, strengths, and possibilities following highly challenging life experiences.
Further Reading and Research
Anderson, M. L., Goodman, J., & Schlossberg, N. K. (2022). Counseling adults in transition: Linking Schlossberg's theory with practice in a diverse world (5th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.
Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life's changes (2nd ed.). Da Capo Lifelong Books.
Bridges, W. (2003). Managing transitions: Making the most of change (2nd ed.). Da Capo Press.
Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The other side of sadness: What the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss. Basic Books/Hachette Book Group.
Masten, A. S. (2014). Ordinary magic: Resilience in development. The Guilford Press.
Masten, A. S. & Obradović, J. (2008). Disaster preparation and recovery: Lessons from research on resilience in human development. Ecology and Society (13(1): Article 9).
Masten, A. S., & Tellegen, A. (2012). Resilience in developmental psychopathology: Contributions of the Project Competence Longitudinal Study. Development and Psychopathology (2012 May; 24(2):345–361).
Schlossberg, N. K. (1990). Overwhelmed: Coping with life’s ups and downs. Random House Publishing Group.
Tedeschi, R. G., Park, C. L., & Calhoun, L. G. (Eds.). (1998). Posttraumatic growth: Positive changes in the aftermath of crisis. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.
Additional Topics for Curious Readers
Readers interested in learning more may wish to explore:
Life transitions and adjustment
Resilience research
Stress and coping
Posttraumatic growth
Meaning-making and personal narratives
Counseling and psychotherapy during periods of change